I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
