I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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