Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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