need another drink. this is the easiest way
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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