were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
