why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize