Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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