omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
