Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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