I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
