went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
