he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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