Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
