It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
