I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
