Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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