I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
