Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
