is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
