that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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