I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
