There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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