Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
