he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
