and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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