Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i've created a new STD.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
