And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
