Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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