I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
