make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
