The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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