I only kidnapped one of them. chill
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
