Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
