The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
