She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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