Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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