I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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