oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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