i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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