I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize