is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
