i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
