Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
