Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
