Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
