Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize