pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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