yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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