i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
