Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
