Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize