Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
