I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
