My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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