i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
