Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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