I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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