I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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