Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
