I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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