I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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