..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
