Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
