What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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