I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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