i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
