Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
