First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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