I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize